ignore this post if it bores you its just me ranting
Hi decided to update bc 1) mm as usual grumbling about how "often" i update
2) I need to rant out somewhere
So i just came back from dinner with 2 of my friends and i just cant stand it anymore.
I really dont care about oh what if they read this or what i just really need to get it out
Its the first time since I've came here that I actually was on the verge of tears to the point when if someone asked me on the spot just now am i ok i will burst into legit tears.
Ok so just to make it clearer
- when we were walking to town, they started to say like oh how productive their day was and stuff and they asked me what did i do and like I wasnt feeling bad about myself already the boy started to say "expected la see her face confirm just woke up or slept the whole day or did nth at all"
- then when we were walking to basin i was the one walking behind but that was expected so i didnt really gaf
- when we were at basin i just said to the boy that "hey hurry up and choose what to eat leh i very hungry" and he just hurled vulgarities and me and told me to stop being so singaporean??? like wtf??
- when we were eating the boy was using his phone and literally stopped eating but when im done with my food and was using my phone (ranting on dayre) he was like "bitch what r u doing? can u like, stop using your phone?" My bitch mode was turned on like wtf i said "Excuse me? who was the one that stopped eating and was using his phone? Do u even have the say to say me?" Then he kept quiet
- Then they were talking about doing their CVs, what challenge, jobs and stuff (i was left out the whole time fyi) and the boy asked me whether im doing summer placement and before I can answer (i was planning to say yes), he said "aiya i know you wont just look at your face" MOTHER FUCKING HELL IF U HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY FACE U BLOODY STFU OK U PIECE OF NO BALLS SHIT
- When we were walking back I was walking at the front ranting to kim and i legit teared bc of all the things she said but i was holding it back. Then the boy again said what i was i doing why am i using my phone and stuff
- ohya and the girl is being her usual self. Talking about how her day went how stressful she is how she "broke down ytd but im ok now" and how much work she has to do how she got elected to be VP next year for some society how dead our msian sg society is blablabla
Okay sorry for the super long rant just dont read it its for me to vent it out.
The boy also asked me where am i staying next year and "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOURE STAYING IN HALLS? DONT YOU HAVE ANYONE TO STAY WITH? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STAYING IN HALLS? THIS IS A JOKE"
yeah yeah i get it my whole life is a fucking joke ok i dont write songs i dont perform i cant play the keyboard i dont club and drink as much as u so yeah my life is a downright joke.
Speaking of where to stay in my 2nd year... I've decided to stay in halls. Partly bc its convenient and the major reason is i dont have anyone to stay with in a house next year? Its kinda sad actually bc i was legit looking forward to staying in a house with friends before I came to UK... :(
I still need to get used to being ok with being alone and lonely..
kim says it takes time and i really hope by next year i will be perfectly ok with it
and hopefully by that time i will be ok with being left out and giving a idgaf attitude to social stuffs
feels good to rant out everything
p/s: On a positive side note, am looking forward to next week bc its gonna be a yolo week haha all the christmas parties!!! and my eyes are healed THANK GOD
p/p/s: AND ALSO GOING TO LONDON ON SATURDAY AND STAYING AT XUELI'S TILL MONDAY THEN HOME SWEET HOME BABEH